Darkness, Enlightenness, The Great Beyond. . . .

I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, great. This guy believes in some mystical religion focused on Enlightenment, the Great Beyond, and such.
I HAD YOU FOOLED! I am a devout christian. go CHRIST! How about that? No one can pull the wool over an 86 year old. I know the truth.

Being Someone else

Today in Babyland it was National Be Someone Else Day. So, today, I was my father, Uffy Puffy Underpit and he was me. It was fun being able to look at my dad and tell him to go to his room. Believe it or not, even though I am 86 years old, sometimes when I come over my dad still tells me to go to my old room.

Keyboards

Hey everyone, i’m back from my blog dormance. anyway, i’ve been obsessed with keyboards lately. i LOVE going into apple stores and running my hands all over the keyboards and hearing the little click, click sound that reminds me of the typewriters we used to use back in the olden days. the bad things is, people are now making little contraptions like the IPHONE which are keyboardless! what’ll we do? no more clickety clackety click click click clickety clackety doo?

:(

At weddings i started saying to my younger relatives “you’re next!” Now i’ve stopped after they started saying the same thing to me at funerals.

Why?….

Why do women wear such uncomfortable shoes?  Why do we label underwear as a pair? If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? How does a snowplough driver get to his truck? If the universe is everything and scientists say it’s expanding, what’s it expanding into? Isn’t there a shorter word for monosyllabic?

The Lemon Famine

Babyland has been experiencing a lemon famine for about a month now. With no lemons in Babyland, we can’t let our kids enjoy lemonade, healthy citrus mix juices, or lemon pie! If you happen to have some lemons (i hear in Bottlecap they have a whole lot) i’d appreciate it if you told me.

Christmas Lights Gone Wild

Santa

Today I was walking in the Babyland Mall when some cheeky kid comes up to me and says, “I want an IPhone for Christmas!” I didn’t know what in the world he was talking about. Then he turns to his mom and says, “Look! It’s Santa Claus!” Now I’m not easily offended, but some guy walks up and says I resemble an obese Arctician (i made up that word on the spot) with hair that’s been growing since 34 A.D.?! That’s enough to get me pretty heated up. So, I ran to throttle the kid. Well, the mall had recently had a paint job, and the paint on the floor was pretty slippery, so I slipped and slid into a golf cart (the last thing you’d expect to find in a mall) and hit my head on a golf club.

One Thing I am NOT Thankful for!

I am not thankful for KFC! The killing of innocent of chickens is never justified. In my book (that’s such a cool phrase), it is evil.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for Natopotato because of all the encouraging comments he gives me. I’m thankful for Joel because he’s a great friend. I’m thankful for Ian because he’s a good friend and helps me with this blog. I’m thankful for Nathaniel for helping found Old Man Comic Company. I’m thankful for toothpaste (the one thing in the world that tastes better than pizza!). Let’s see, I’m thankful for tongue twisters (nothing like a good tongue twister to win an argument!). I’m also thankful for. . . .