I’m sure many of you have put lotion on after a bath or a shower to keep your skin moist. Well, I tried it with disastrous results. Tough Bob said my skin would be really rad (most californians know what that means). But the problem is, well, I don’t know how to put on lotion. So I yanked the top off and the whole load came down, down, down. Well, regardless of the lotion that was now dribbling down my body, I was sure that I was now the raddest (if that is even a word, most californians will know what it means) guy around. So, naturally, I went out in my wonderfully coordinated manner. I fell with one step and the next thing you know I’m sliding out onto the street. Then I saw a huge Mercedes racing towards me at a hundred miles per hour. I don’t remember much after that, but I’m sure I’ve set a new rad record (if you still don’t know what that means, ask your local californian today!)
Wahoo!
Wahoo! Wahahahoo! Waaaaaaaaahooooooooooo!!!!!!!Wahoo! Wahooooo!! WAAAAAHOOOO!!!!!
(wahoo!)
A Happy Marriage
If you’ve read earlier posts, you know that Old Yam my twin brother has been dating an elephant. Well, on September 27, 2007, Old Yam proposed. The marriage was on October 4th. But it was kind of strange. I was the Best Man, but I arrived at the wedding late because I had eaten a Big Mac and fallen into a Big Mac coma.
Old Ham set off a stink bomb and we had to order 5,000 clothespins to cover everyone’s noses. Then I dozed off and woke up at the wrong time: when Old Yam was kissing the elephant. I totally freaked out, running through the audience waving my arms around like a rabid animal. The only problem was that I ran into a present that was for Old Yam. It was shaving cream, which smeared all over my face. Then, everyone thought I really was rabid.
The wedding audience turned into an angry mob, trying to pin me down. I ran for my life, finally diving into a giant bowl of salsa. The bowl tipped over and spilled all the salsa. Some little kid thought it was blood with guts in it and threw up all over me. I ran for a nice lake that was supposed to be the place where Old Yam and the elephant would have their honeymoon.
I hurled myself in the lake, and was attacked by a bunch of pikes–the elephant’s favorite food. I swam out, leaving the pikes to their first taste of salsa. I ran to where the audience had gone back to sitting and watching the rest of the ceremony. I reached my place as Best Man and said my lines hurriedly, as the ceremony was ending. “MAY YOU ALWAYS LOVE EACHOTHER! NOW, LET’S EAT CHIPS AND SALSA!!!” It was the wrong thing to say, even though it had been scripted for me. Old Yam got all mad at me for getting rid of the salsa, and told his wife to charge me.
The charging succeeded, and I am scheduled to go to the hospital today and stay there for a few days.
Nate H.
This weird kid named Nate H. has posted four comments on some of my posts. Three comments are too embarrassing to say, but one comment on my introduction is one I very much love! It says i look good for someone my age. Yeah! Nate H., whoever you are! Keep commenting!
Iron Swan
I was visiting Diaper World, Babyland’s theme park, when I saw this giant black swan standing up, spreading out its wings, and ready to attack me. Frightened out of my wits, I ran to the nearest employee, a janitor named Nugget. I showed him the fearsome swan, and he said to me,
“Sir, that’s an iron statue of a swan.” Really embarrassing.
Really Bad Eggs
I have created a new small group called Really Bad Eggs. Our band consists of me (the main singer) and the assistant singers and part time instrument players: Ian, Noseburg, and Tough Bob. Our first album is Granite Counters.
Geezers
After a two minute discussion, Ian and Nathaniel decided to rename Super Comics. It is now Geezers.
Farm Wars, Episode lll: The Revenge of the Chickens
I know that on January 22, I told you that chickens were safe to eat. Well, there is a new development in that story: IT ISN’T SAFE ANYMORE!
A long time ago, in a farm far, far away…
Farm Wars, Episode lll: The Revenge of the Chickens
Old Man Kenobi thought chickens were safe after order was brought back to the Galactic Farm. But just when people were beginning to eat chickens again, the chickens struck back. Commanded by Dark Skater, a dark skating chicken, the Chicken Army declared war on Babyland, which is where the Poultry Wars now rage.
